And Now for Something Completely Different...

As I said in the first post, sometimes this blog won't be about anything having to do with Germany. Sometimes it will just be me rambling about nothing that holds any importance to anybody but me. This is one of those posts. You can go ahead and stop reading now, if you want. I won't hold it against you. Here's some pictures to look at while you're deciding whether to continue reading or not:

"The Strung Their Minutes like Pearls on an Hour String"

"Time is an Illusion"

Wasn't that nice? OK, for those of you who only have a vested interest in my Germany explorations, this is when you should close the window. Thanks for stopping by :)

 For those of you brave enough to stick around, thanks! I appreciate it, though these are really only the incessant ramblings of a depressed woman who's had a rough week and perhaps a little too much red wine (why the "blackout" glass is always the only clean wine glass is a mystery to me). This week started where most do, with the end of the weekend. It was quite possibly one of the most emotional, frustrating, illuminating, and stressful weekends I've had in a while. 

Without going into too many details (as doing such will likely only lead to even more drama), this past weekend I essentially lost some of my closest friends. Issues had been around for a while, but I was trying to work through them to regain our former relationship, or at least some semblance of what it once was. However, because of a mistake that I made a few weeks ago, apparently I had no say in the matter and several people chose to completely cut of relations without even talking to me about it. I'm not placing the blame on anyone; everyone involved made mistakes (some worse than others), and so we are all to blame. However, while I try to keep our mutual friends unbiased, it appears as though some are choosing sides. Feeling as though you are losing your entire system of friends over something you cannot control, and without anybody talking to you about it, is quite possibly one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. Possibly only made worse by the fact that this isn't the first time it has happened to me.

On top of this, I also started summer school this week. I have class from 1 p.m - 9 p.m. I commute, so I have to leave the house by 11, to avoid traffic, and typically don't get home until 10/10:30. It's exhausting. I found myself wondering how I was ever going to make it into the workforce when I can barely handle 8 hour school days. Then I realized that once I have a job, I won't just be passively sitting in a seat for 3 1/2 hours at a time (my professor literally told us to stop taking notes, and just absorb the material today). Also, most nights, I will probably be home by 7, not 10. I'm so glad that summer school is only 3 days a week, and only lasts 5 weeks. Combined with the stress of the weekend, currently, if I'm not in class or in my car, I'm sleeping. I've been getting 10-13 hours of sleep a night for the past few days, which is always a sure sign that I'm stressed, or depressed, or some wicked combination of the two.

I've also come to the horrible conclusion that I am still not completely over my ex. We have been broken up for longer then we were together, but some part of me just cannot let go. A lot of my behavior over this last year (including the aforementioned mistake) has been a result of this. Now that I've finally realized this, I can start working to fix my behavior. It will be tough, and I'm going to need people to help keep me in check (you know who you are), but hopefully I'll be able to finally move on from him. 

And so there you have it. A lovely post about my awful emotions. This has been fairly simplified to protect the innocent (and guilty), but for the most part these are the three main things on my mind. I wish this was an exciting post about expectations 11 and 3 (that's right, I thought of an 11th), but I'm too distracted, too tired, and my only friend from here is out of town, and so I need someone to listen to my ramblings because I can't begin to fix things until I've laid it all out. I promise my next post will be more upbeat, and there will be plenty of pictures and discussion about cake :)

P.s. This is not a cry for attention (OK, I guess it is a little... I just tend to express my emotions a little too much), don't worry, I'm fine, just a rough week. I'll be over it soon enough :)